Musings of a Seeker

I have an uncle, his name is Shane, for a short while he was an ordained monk. This obviously means he became my Monkle Shane. I was married to a good man but that path of life was not the path I was supposed to be on. I was scared. So, naturally, I called my Monkle Shane. In the grocery store, in the aisle that has the Funyons on the end rack, Monkle Shane gave me two questions to consider: 1) Do I like my circumstances? 2) Do I like who I am being? I concluded that I did feel like I was being the best version of myself I could be, so it left me to examine my circumstances. I did not like my circumstances.  My circumstances were perfect on paper, a beautiful house, super cute dogs, a handsome, smart, funny husband who I loved, a sweet stepson, amazing in-laws, and a  loving "sister-mom" who supported my role as a stepmom to her son.  So why was I miserable? This was everything I was supposed to have, everything that should make someone happy.  I didn't trust my intu...

Life is to be enjoyed. I don’t think it’s meant to be heavy or hard...I don’t agree with Coolio that “life's a bitch and then you die, still trying to get a piece of that apple pie” Mmmm apple pie. It’s unnecessary to create problems where there are none (my personal M.O. for the last 30 years). Yes, I feel super tired and fatigued every day and I am not ‘successful’ in the way that my head would like me to be, but there’s nothing wrong with that. So what if I need coffee to feel good at this point in my life? What if I just accepted my patterns? Would they still persist? I don’t know how to strike a balance. I get really high highs and create like crazy, I work out hard and I work hard and everything is great; there is lots of connection and laughter with my husband and my kiddo and the world seems amazing. There is magic and miracles and opportunities show up out of nowhere. I’m grateful, faithful, and content. Then something happens. I wake up a little more fatigued one day, I ...

Holy smokes, ever do something for like 10 years and then realize you’ve been taking an approach that kinda sucked? I’ve always wanted to help people, I never really knew exactly how, but I knew that I had to have a job that helped in some way. This has always been a part of me, but I was busy being drunk and selfish for a significant amount of time during my formative years and didn’t find coaching until I was like 28. I know this to be true because I fell in love with Psych 101 and loved all my psych classes enough to do the work in college. I’ve invested 1,000s of dollars and hours into trying to understand human behavior and why we do what we do (I have been and am consistently a subject of my own examination). This passion comes from within and is always present. When the doctor told me I had a tumor in my head the second thought I had was “I”m not done helping people yet”. I still feel that way, four years later when I go to my dark place of wanting to leave the earth early, this...

It's funny, sometimes when things are just kind of ‘going’. I have nothing to write. I guess it’s kind of like an emotional void. My emotions fuel my writing. I’m not sad, happy, joyful, angry, frustrated, or miserable right now. I guess that leaves me feeling a little curious with a touch of ah-ha and a dash of confusion. I like this place though I’m not super familiar with it. I guess I’m feeling fine, but not in the FINE way...maybe I’m good. That could be it. Good? Okay? Sure. But where does that leave me for this post? I suppose good is a good thing. There’s room here to be content. I was given this gift by a missed appointment by a client. My second one today. The first frustrated me, then I reminded myself everything is happening for me, so I got some groceries and handled some insurance stuff I’d been putting off for oooh, months. That felt nice. This second one is clearly being allocated to my writing. I’ve noticed that my clients can also feel confused with this space. So...

The second we declare we are something the moment has passed and we are no longer that thing. The beauty of this is that as quickly as we can get rocked, we can just as quickly be delighted Get back to that feeling, get back to your truth. Focus your mind on what you know you are capable of. Forget the problems, they are an illusion. Do it simply because it feels right. There’s something about doing something blindly for no other reason than you know it’s the thing to be doing. I don’t understand any of this, all I know is that it feels right. I’ll let go of the rest. I’m actually, really committed to not knowing and doing it anyway. For me, that is more than enough. Start to pay attention to your body, check in every once in a while and notice what you’re feeling. Follow the lightness...lightness leads to goodness. Thinking is your handicap I am not my feelings When you are boldly all of you, some people won’t like you and that is a good thing because it’s not about getting everyone t...

The universe is sneaky. It is vast, free, infinite, and boundless and at the same time, it is microscopic, tiny, manipulative, and invisible. I love the way it calls me, I love the way it messes with me. I love the way it teases me, just like someone I love; in little whispers at times and in full-on body checks at other moments. The playfulness of surprise, the conniving of coincidence, the intimidation of challenge, and the evasiveness of knowing...it is a beautiful cluster of chaos and order. My ego likes to think it knows what is happening. It likes to take the proverbial pieces of the puzzle and attempt to put them together in a predictable fashion. The thing is, the universe doesn’t adhere to boundaries or edges. Beauty is found when the ego collapses and knows the picture the puzzle makes is not accessible to the mind’s eye. Delight comes in the comfort of not knowing. Happiness comes from enjoying the ride. Trust allows for pain, hurt, and sadness to have a place; just like goi...

15 flavors of insight: Ahhh, I get it now (usually accompanied by a feeling of contentment) Chills in the body (just plain delightful) Of course! (usually accompanied by the throwing up of arms in a haphazard fashion) I think I already knew that…(usually accompanied by a feeling of validation) It  just... feels right…(usually accompanied by a subtle dismissal to lingering doubt) F*cking Duh (usually accompanied by a roll of the eyes) Stillness (like the sound when submerged in water) Smack in the forehead (both literally and figuratively) A quiet knowing (deep down, in the depths of the heart or gut)  Recognition of self in another entity (person, book, movie, song, sculpture, doesn’t matter the medium) Overwhelming feeling of _________ (hopefully bliss, often sadness, can be anything in between)  Involuntary tears (happy or sad, usually accompanied by an attempt to keep them bottled up) Widening of the eyes and feeling of mind being blown (usually accompanied by a favor...