Musings of a Seeker

     The little bottles stared back at me, a pyramid of mockery; I’d never felt cruelty from a rainbow before. I didn’t know a rainbow could have that effect. I walked through the door with such optimism, such hope, a preconceived notion of how this was going to unfold. There had to be a misunderstanding; incredulousness washed over me as the recognition of what was happening dawned on me. Disappointment and rejection followed, each in their own separate uncomfortable wave. A trifecta of feelings that mismatched my expectations to the nth degree. I hoped with all my might I was wrong. I hoped I was being cynical and I would feel like a jerk to make such a lame assumption on the seven-minute drive home to my house.       I don’t think anyone would ever accuse me of being an optimist. In fact, more likely the opposite. I know I’m not a ray of sunshine, but I’ve also heard that I’m easy to be around so it can’t all be bad. I’d been living in a new city wi...

Your responses are different I say my piece and expect your reply I think I know our path, I find out I’m two steps ahead Fearcasting the future Saying the things I say to get love We’re going left, you went right There’s ease, but I’m on my toes Thrown off in a delightful way, the unexpected feels like home You’re walking a path and your light is shining, I like being in its warmth. Though you say it’s a dim glow, it’s brighter than you think, Like the glow of the rising sun; warm, kind, unyielding. Not too bright, not too direct. I can hold its gaze without having to look away. A kind glow, a gentle beckoning without request, demand, or expectation. Expansive and persistent, it flows from depths beyond. Pure, honest inquiry, a willingness to go toward the horizon, north or south; the only parameter is time. Moment to moment strung together with no agenda The magic of the unexpected, the willingness to say yes, the generosity of acceptance, the courage to push the boundaries of comfo...

These boots came into my life a semester, a house, a marriage, another house, and a year ago. My sister in law has narrow little feet, we call them flippers. I have wide feet, we call them floppers. I remember walking into my parent's foyer and seeing these boots on the staircase. I’m not good at asking permission, but I think I got out “WHOSE ARE THESE!?” as I was putting my floppers into them. They called to me from across the room the second I walked in; so at that point, ownership had already been defined. I was smart enough to keep that knowledge in my head at that point. Turns out, they were temporary housing for my sister in law’s little flippers. She brought them to my parent’s house when she and my brother came to visit because her flippers were swimming in the toe box that could park a Fiat.      Out of the kindness of her heart, she offered them to my mother thinking they might be a better fit for her. I believe I remember my mom asking me if they looked “too y...

  “You are absolutely gorgeous…” What exactly did he mean by that? Was he taunting me? It was an aggressive opening line in my opinion. Not a lot of room to go up from there in terms of being complementary and at the same time, ominously generic. “Absolutely gorgeous” falls on the extreme end of the continuum of the proverbial ugliness to prettiness spectrum. It's like an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. As in, she's/he’s a regular 6, drunk 7 - (high five if you got the 30 Rock reference).  I was immediately skeptical. Absolutely gorgeous belongs to women like Catherine Zeta-Jones and women with figures like Betty Boop and faces so symmetrical they emulate harmonious and beautiful proportion and balance, just as the definition says it does .   This skepticism may have been rooted in my previous experience of being played by a tall handsome Persian man who used words like that, but this guy was different. He touted his Christianity on his chest, his forearm, and around his neck....